Fanboys beware! This apple might have become rotten

I honestly didn’t mean to write this post about the glossy forbidden fruit. Yet, a good friend of mine, Apple fangirl nonetheless, dared me to do it (in an almost Biblical twist), secretly hoping i would give her some slack afterward. Since this isn’t science or religion (I’m not an expert in Appletology nor do i preach the iGospel) i might make mistakes in how i perceive this corporation but since perception is often a more important factor than the cold hard facts all should be forgiven.

While I’ve yet to own any Apple product, I’ve had enough experiences (mostly unpleasant) with plenty of their notebooks, desktops and devices to make an idea about what works and what doesn’t. As far as I’m concerned, Apple does two things for which they’re mostly respected: computers and iDevices. So let’s see what’s so special about them.

They are often regarded as a hardware company which to my own standards is a big mistake and an even bigger mislead. Despite certain standout products, I’m not a fan of their hardware. It’s true their Cinema Display looks nice, just as their keyboards and the Magic Mice bring a touch of class to desks around the world. However, how’s it possible to sell computers with often outdated specs, sometimes by a year or more at 150-200% the price of regular PCs and justify it by the fact that the OS will work just fine? How will a video card that’s already twelve months old, be able to play games a year from now?

Probably, I’m so adamant to buying in on Apple’s “hardware doesn’t matter, it’s all in the OS” bullshit because plenty of my experiences with Mac OS X have been on lower end MacBook and MacBook Air machines. Here you’ll find that multitasking is not their forte and not even the best programming minds can’t make up for lack of processing power and memory.

If that’s not the case, then why on earth would users go into (lately not) so much trouble of setting up a Hackintosh machine? Why does this happen with owners of Apple computers as well? My educated guess is they want the freedom and power of an up to date PC with the ease of use and speed of the Mac OS X. However, i think that the gap between OS X 10.6 and Windows 7 in terms of performance has narrowed significantly, so much so that even the highly enjoyable Mac vs. PC ads are being canceled. I guess it’s obvious by now that Apple uses their highly regarded operating system to sell good looking yet shamelessly overpriced hardware. How would you feel for example if Microsoft used their pseudo-monopoly to do the same thing, or invented some phony “hardware independent OS” tax. Of course, everyone would be suing them left and right. However, you won’t see that in the Apple fanboy camp.  They’ll take it anytime like the velvet masochists that most of them are. Or as one of the illuminated minds pointed out in a forum he’ll be buying it and laugh about it while referring to the camera connection kit for the iPad. It sure is funny paying $30 for a $2 buck cable.

I think what brings insult to injury is not that the OS is marketed as inexpensive, yet it’s only available on overpriced hardware, nor that Service Pack material is sold as the next great wild cat, but rather that they are always testing the waters and see just how much they can push it. Why should i support a company that is using me as a lab rat and displays a patronizing attitude towards its customers? I’m sorry but I’d rather be uncool, unshiny and boring than develop symptoms of the Stockholm syndrome for someone who’s preaching excellence and in reality follows the “just enough to get by” agenda.

For the strangest of reasons, whenever there’s a showdown between Apple and Microsoft there are always double standards galore. It might be that the latter has become so annoying in our collective consciousness that it’s almost trendy to hate, while the prince in white shiny plastic armor is out to rescue us. I’m more inclined to believe that we are biased towards beauty and ready to take more crap if it’s presented within the right packaging. Let’s be honest, you’re most likely to succumb to the whims of a good looking chick than to the requests of a common looking girl.

Also, naming Adobe (who certainly have their faults) as lazy seems highly hypocritical knowing that your own company is no better. How else could they be labeled, given the extremely limited number of variations in their own hardware? Again, what would people think of Microsoft or any Linux distro for that matter, had they supported only a handful of CPUs, motherboards and video cards. Linux especially has been bashed time and time again for the lack of device drivers, even though they come free and don’t require proprietary hardware.

Another thing that struck me as shameless was the report of Apple using child labor in Asian countries. That shouldn’t come as a surprise knowing that’s a practice employed by most corporations in their quest for lower prices. Yet, it’s striking to see a pious Buddhist preaching beauty and knowledge, promoting green technologies and a clean world, while practically using modern day slavery. One more reason for me to behave in this world, otherwise i might be assembling iPods Thought Yocto in my next life as a way to pay off my karmic debt.

But wait, Apple also builds devices and it’s become just as popular if not more in this field as well. Somehow, i never got caught up by the iPod movement and instead went for a lovely Cowon D2+. While again, it’s not as sleek and trendy looking, it’s also very sturdy, sounds amazing and has a huge battery life. I”m also trying to figure out how to replicate that mysterious  “hard way” of copying files to the device displayed in some online tests, since I’ve only been able to use that simple drag and drop/copy paste so far.

And then there’s the iPhone and its slightly more developed twin brother the iPad. It would be absurd to ignore how much easier web browsing really is on these devices than it is on regular phones. However, they are plagued by the same pattern of substandard tech specs. Thankfully, the original iPhone is no longer available, yet the other two aren’t exactly top of the line either. For example a 3 megapixel camera is not that hot, considering there are lots of regular mobile phone with 5-8 MPs as well. They do compensate for all this slackness with their App Store, which as dubiously curated as it is, still provides plenty of interesting software enhancements. As far as the iPad is concerned it doesn’t make sense for it to be referred as a computer. An ebook reader or a larger web browsing tablet device yes, but as long as the OS is pretty much that of a mobile phone and it can’t run full fledged desktop apps, then it certainly seems misleading to name it a computer.

Of course, i saved the best (so far) for last: the iPhone OS 4 with it’s shady 3.3.1 clause. Unless Apple feels like it’s on Survivor 24/7 some of their latest actions would put Mariano or Fairplay to shame. Hitting a company that indirectly boosted your sales the way Adobe did with their design software products, shows not only a serious lack of character but also a very dangerous cut throat and “do whatever it takes for money” attitude. If they can do it to someone on which they at least remotely depend on, why wouldn’t they do it to their customers as well?

They just did. Leaving Adobe aside, think about all the developers who spent generous amounts of time and money developing apps only to find out one day, they have to start from scratch. Now that should be a cold wakening shower for even the biggest developer fanboys out there. To support Apple after being screwed up like that definitely strips them of their right to complain. For example, just the other day i was reading a post about a developer whose analog clock app has been rejected from the App Store. Besides the fact that buying an iPad to use it as a desk clock seems a little strange, I’m not surprised by the outcome and neither the developer should be. After all, if you plan on dating the bad boys and girls of the computer world then you should account for the possibility of having your heart broken. Yet, the problem lies not with the techies, who despite their inherent geekiness which makes them do irrational things at times, have a limited level of tolerance to corporate bullshit. Instead, Apple thrives on the stupidity and ignorance of the masses and they do it brilliantly.

What most people don’t understand is that at the end of the day Apple is a corporation whose sole purpose is to make as much profit as possible. They’re not these renegade wiz kids fueled by their passion for beauty and state of the art technology. That might be the case with individual employees but certainly isn’t with the company as a whole. One principle that Apple surely excels in following is “Divide and Conquer”. While other companies struggle to offer the widest possible lines of products, they simply focus on  several variations at a time making it both cheaper to built and easier for consumers to choose. They’re as close to Seinfeld’s dream of a world with only one type of suit available, as we’ve come so far.